You heard her story, you see her countenance, but you don't know the inner truth. Her views, her say, she limits it all 'cos there's always secrets to life.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

The One

I feel that not being in a relationship helps me a lot in terms of emotions. I have cried lesser, and my heart doesn't hurt any more. I wonder if I can ever not fall in love. Can I choose to just like and not love and close friends but not lovers? Can I be the one who care for you and not be the one that want you badly? I always ponder if it will ever work out. 

On the contrary, I really have no idea why, but I just want to get married faster. I want to have my own family and have kids around me. Maybe, I want to get out from what they call "freedom". (which wasn't enough for me) Just maybe, maybe because I envy some of my friends who has been in a very long relationship. 

But, I'm just too young for all of these. Noruls has always, let me repeat, ALWAYS talking about me getting married. I got excited whenever she says that. But, I can't and I'm afraid of falling in love again. I'm afraid that I could not fit myself to the person that I'm fated with. I'M JUST AFRAID. I'm so sick of having the ache in my heart and that I don't know if I can accept anyone else. Maybe, he's just my eye candy (whoever he is). 

So in conclusion, I shall not be searching for the one. Instead I should just focus on my studies and family and of cos, my lovely peepos. For now, what I want is to be able to see my future. That's it. I shall not ask for more. 

Will post more if I got time, Insya'allah. May peace be upon you.

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