I feel that not being in a relationship helps me a lot in terms of emotions. I have cried lesser, and my heart doesn't hurt any more. I wonder if I can ever not fall in love. Can I choose to just like and not love and close friends but not lovers? Can I be the one who care for you and not be the one that want you badly? I always ponder if it will ever work out.
On the contrary, I really have no idea why, but I just want to get married faster. I want to have my own family and have kids around me. Maybe, I want to get out from what they call "freedom". (which wasn't enough for me) Just maybe, maybe because I envy some of my friends who has been in a very long relationship.
But, I'm just too young for all of these. Noruls has always, let me repeat, ALWAYS talking about me getting married. I got excited whenever she says that. But, I can't and I'm afraid of falling in love again. I'm afraid that I could not fit myself to the person that I'm fated with. I'M JUST AFRAID. I'm so sick of having the ache in my heart and that I don't know if I can accept anyone else. Maybe, he's just my eye candy (whoever he is).
So in conclusion, I shall not be searching for the one. Instead I should just focus on my studies and family and of cos, my lovely peepos. For now, what I want is to be able to see my future. That's it. I shall not ask for more.
Will post more if I got time, Insya'allah. May peace be upon you.
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