October 20, 2014

HI! I'M BACK in 2014!!

Could not believe it that I've survived this far. I know I'm still alive, but i mean i just could not believe that numerous events has taken throughout the past two, three years?

I'm rushing to type this because I had a sudden urge to open my blog and type out what I'm feeling. I miss the boyfriend, of course but I'm not gonna talk about him here.

I'm just going to jump right in to what my intention was to be here. Anyway, I just wish I could turn back time to where I was in primary and secondary school. I had reminiscence about the past today and it's both happy and quite disgraceful. The one that made me so furious was the time when i was in primary school. Got bullied terribly by my own neighbor whom was in the same batch as i was and was embarrassed by her in the school whenever she got the opportunity. We were both in the same CCA and most of the times she took advantage of the fact that I'm her neighbor, she could spread rumors about my family to her whole clique. To be honest, I was furious and embarrassed at the same time. I could not do anything as i did not have much friends in primary school. Apart form her, I was also terribly bullied by another neighbor who lives a block away from me. She was the prettiest girl in school, and you know where I'm going with this. I literally experienced what everybody have heard or seen before in the teenage drama movies. The things that they did to me back then was unbearable and i can never forget what they did to me.

Oftentimes, my family put aside their fuse and helped them when their family was in need, I mean both of their families! But I keep wondering how could they ever do such things to me in school? I was betrayed, fooled, and embarrassed publicly numerous times. Sigh..such terrible memories. If i was given a choice to return back to time, i would definitely stand up for myself despite not having the looks or the brains.

Talking about returning back to time, the only time i wish i could have was when i was in secondary school. secondary school days were AWESOME! It changed my whole life and everyone was nice to me. Definitely, i was still bullied by a group of clique which i wrongly chose. I literally got stuck and betrayed entirely. I really wonder why i got bullied so easily. Apart from that, everything was good despite the childish relationships that i had. Great memory with my band members, my classmates especially when graduation was nearing and my close friends that i had that create such memorable times with me.

For now, time has actually got me and i have to say it made me a different person. Maybe because of the boyfriend that i'm with or maybe because of the clique that i have now. All i want to say now is that i'm truly grateful for what i have right now. Although there are still mishaps in my life, and currently things aren't going as good in my family, I wish that i could tell all the people that i love, that i truly love them and appreciate the littlest things they had done for me. Supporting me through the graduations that i had from secondary school, making it through poly despite not wanting the course that i truly want, graduating from poly and having my love one watching me receiving the certificate on the stage, and now sitting for examination in university.

Things are so much harder now. There's not much time on hand and i keep falling every now and then. Hence, the reason and my purpose for this blog is to remind myself to see the changes i've made. To see what the people around me are, right now, to appreciate every single one of them because they aren't like those bullies.

Be strong, Casebella and insyaallah, you'll make it through thick and thin.

Be A Good Man, Because A Woman Will Never Forget How You Treated Her

Saw this online and i couldn't wait any longer to post it. Credits to the person who actually wrote all this.

"Too many of you say that women do not really want a nice guy. You firmly believe from your bad experiences that most women actually enjoy being treated badly. I can assure you this is not true.

Your words and your actions can have effects on a woman that will last her a lifetime. That cruel comment you made about her mother, that day you were so angry you called her out of her name, those times you ignored her for no reason at all, the times you chose not to text or call and decided your friends were more important than she was, the times you didn’t open her car door, or walk her to her front door like a lady, she carries those in her mind. And she carries them over to the next man.

Women remember every nice thing you do or say in the same way they remember every pitiless thing.

When you are good to a woman — even if it ends for whatever reason — she will always remember you. You may never know that, but she will. She will think about the way you made her laugh or the way you dried her tears. She will remember the way she could speak to you for hours. She will remember that you made her feel like a woman, that even when she was wrong, you still made her feel like a woman. You will be the standard for all of the men in her life that follow. If they can’t compete with you or do better, they become bottom of the barrel. You are the man whose shoes no one has yet to outshine. Continue to be that man because there is a woman who is going to adore you and appreciate you for everything you are worth.

A woman may choose to stay with a man who treats her badly because she fell in love with him during a time when he was pretending to be pleasant (somewhere in the beginning stages of their relationship). However, she won’t last with a man who is malicious for the rest of her life. Over time, every mean or hurtful thing that man does will begin to build up inside of her like boiling water.

That woman who was once in love and who once catered to her man’s every whim will begin to fall out of love. She will become less caring, and less nurturing. Her heart will grow colder. He won’t see it, not until it is too late. He is blind and will continue to mistreat her. An ignorant man will seal his own fate. He will think its okay to treat his woman this way. She loves him so she is sure to stay. That man has no idea that his woman has an icy storm brewing inside of her heart. Where love once lived is a heart now torn apart. She loves him so much or so he believes. He knows she will stay, but what he chooses not to see is her mind has already broken away.

So you have an option. Treat your women right or don’t, but when you end up alone and can’t figure out what was the matter just remember that woman whose heart you shattered.

You can never take away the words you said. They will live with her until the day she is dead. So watch your words and be kind, not cruel, or you may end up sad and lonely.

There is only so much one heart can handle; only so much one girl can handle before she breaks.

Most women truly do not want much. It isn’t a lot to send her a good morning text. It isn’t a lot to call her on your free time. It isn’t a lot to take her out on dates and spend one on one time with her. It isn’t a lot to watch your mouth. It isn’t a lot to treat her like a woman. She will love and adore you for it.

There is a saying that whatever you give a woman she will give you ten times more. That saying couldn’t be truer. So if you want to be adored, and spoiled and loved, you must stop being vicious, selfish, and rude.

Nice guys do not finish last. Truly nice guys get the girl in the end. At the end of the day, no matter how much money you make or how many muscles you have, a woman looking for real love is going to find her worth, along with a man who deserves her. Your money will be spent, and your looks are sure to go, but if you have a good heart, love can flourish. So be the nice guy or risk losing your women to men who are far better than you ever could be.

This does not mean that you allow yourselves to be treated badly either, but it means opening your heart to good women. It means being a compromising person. It means being forgiving, and nurturing… the kind of man who would make a good husband and father. Do not be a doormat for a woman who does not appreciate you; however, if your woman loves and adores you, be kind because if you don’t, you will lose her in the end."

Same Same

I used to be with a guy who told me to tell him everything. To tell him when i want to eat, to tell him when im hungry, to tell him what i exactly want.

Now, when I'm with R, he isn't exactly the kind who wants me to tell him everything. Well, he didn't literally say it, but it's obvious you know. When I say that I want this and that, sometimes he changed topic, sometimes he cares, sometimes he don't. Sigh.

Now I can say, both guys and girls can be difficult.

1/2 Thru' 2014

What it seems like forever. Hi there.

I really have no idea why I stopped writing. Time was on me all these while and I always wished my brain can automatically transfer my thoughts here. Oh wait, i don't think that's a good idea. You may never know, some things are better not said, right?

Well, life has definitely make me a different person now, maybe not someone which I wished I become, not yet matured (as some might said), but I would say many things have changed and developed. But before I go rambling on my life, I want to say a BIG CONGRATULATIONS to myself because I GRADUATED! I couldn't feel any ecstatic, really.

Okay now, moving on. I have met many lovely people within the past years when I went missing from blogspot. And this lovely person includes my one and only one, Abdul Rasid. I have never experienced such relationship with an older guy like him but I would say, I appreciate how maturity brings me to who I am now. Apart from the love of my life, I became closer to some and may have create some foes or should I say, didn't really impress everyone else. Not gonna say about those cos it's not interesting, trust me.

I am now waiting for my University application at SIM and i'm really praying that I can get in, inn shaa Allah. The only reason, or maybe one of the reason why I wanted to continue pursuing my education was because of my parents and also to prove my relatives that I can do it!

I will never forget what someone did to my family who criticize us because of our poor financial. Never forget! Hence, it made me realize that this gives me an opportunity to do whatever i can to show to everyone that no matter how your family's financial crisis are, you should never give up on trying to do what you can to make your family proud. That includes either through education or success in anything else.

I think my thoughts are drained out now. To be honest, while I'm typing this, I feel like I'm in gossip girl, but just without the gossips. You know what I mean? Heh.

Goodbye for now, and god knows when else I will write again. Bye bye.

Never Seem To Be Enough

if only i could give you what you deserve.

if only i could put in enough just to prove it to you.

if only you could tell me it was all wort it.

tell me i've done enough.

tell me i've worked hard.

tell me that you're proud of me.

cos that's all i need.

that's all i need to hear from you.

that's all it matters

as long as i know you knew.