You heard her story, you see her countenance, but you don't know the inner truth. Her views, her say, she limits it all 'cos there's always secrets to life.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

No more

I don't know who to turn to. I'm really upset. I can never rely on my family any more. Sometimes I wonder, really wonder, where do I belong? I can never be the happy-go-lucky girl, jumping around at the dining hall, shuffling here and there and singing to my own songs. I can never be her any more. Everything has been destroyed. I'm really perturb. Why must things change? I am not their good daughter any more, though I'm just assuming that I was their only reliable child back then.

But if I'm sick, who wants to take care of me? If I'm in grief, who would care for me? Who would I turn to for support? Who would be my backbone? Who? Who? I'm blogging in tears and sorrows that enveloped my whole-being. I may just look happy, laughing every seconds I want, but that's not what's inside of me. I want to get rid of this misery Ya Allah. I feel useless in this world. I feel like giving up to every single things that I am doing right now. School and life. What else do I have? Basically, nothing! The only reason why I stayed strong was because of the goals that Mama have been holding onto. I have been promising myself and never fail to remind myself to make my mum's dreams come true. I always wanted to make my family happy just to make them proud so that my relatives out there who are looking down on my family will know that this isn't just any Marred's family. 

Talking about friends. Who do I turn to? Where are they? Why are we jeopardizing our relationship? I'm really really upset right now. Boo hoo. Yeah, whatever, who cares anyway. Ya Allah, give me guidance and strength so that I will remain strong and never have the thought of quitting life any more. Lead me to the right path so that I will not be influence wrongly. Last but not least, build rapport in my family as well as my friends. Sincerely, they mean everything to me.

Hadith of the day:

Islam is not a religion where its followers blindly follow but rather its a religion that encourages its followers to seek for the truth.

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