October 20, 2014

HI! I'M BACK in 2014!!

Could not believe it that I've survived this far. I know I'm still alive, but i mean i just could not believe that numerous events has taken throughout the past two, three years?

I'm rushing to type this because I had a sudden urge to open my blog and type out what I'm feeling. I miss the boyfriend, of course but I'm not gonna talk about him here.

I'm just going to jump right in to what my intention was to be here. Anyway, I just wish I could turn back time to where I was in primary and secondary school. I had reminiscence about the past today and it's both happy and quite disgraceful. The one that made me so furious was the time when i was in primary school. Got bullied terribly by my own neighbor whom was in the same batch as i was and was embarrassed by her in the school whenever she got the opportunity. We were both in the same CCA and most of the times she took advantage of the fact that I'm her neighbor, she could spread rumors about my family to her whole clique. To be honest, I was furious and embarrassed at the same time. I could not do anything as i did not have much friends in primary school. Apart form her, I was also terribly bullied by another neighbor who lives a block away from me. She was the prettiest girl in school, and you know where I'm going with this. I literally experienced what everybody have heard or seen before in the teenage drama movies. The things that they did to me back then was unbearable and i can never forget what they did to me.

Oftentimes, my family put aside their fuse and helped them when their family was in need, I mean both of their families! But I keep wondering how could they ever do such things to me in school? I was betrayed, fooled, and embarrassed publicly numerous times. Sigh..such terrible memories. If i was given a choice to return back to time, i would definitely stand up for myself despite not having the looks or the brains.

Talking about returning back to time, the only time i wish i could have was when i was in secondary school. secondary school days were AWESOME! It changed my whole life and everyone was nice to me. Definitely, i was still bullied by a group of clique which i wrongly chose. I literally got stuck and betrayed entirely. I really wonder why i got bullied so easily. Apart from that, everything was good despite the childish relationships that i had. Great memory with my band members, my classmates especially when graduation was nearing and my close friends that i had that create such memorable times with me.

For now, time has actually got me and i have to say it made me a different person. Maybe because of the boyfriend that i'm with or maybe because of the clique that i have now. All i want to say now is that i'm truly grateful for what i have right now. Although there are still mishaps in my life, and currently things aren't going as good in my family, I wish that i could tell all the people that i love, that i truly love them and appreciate the littlest things they had done for me. Supporting me through the graduations that i had from secondary school, making it through poly despite not wanting the course that i truly want, graduating from poly and having my love one watching me receiving the certificate on the stage, and now sitting for examination in university.

Things are so much harder now. There's not much time on hand and i keep falling every now and then. Hence, the reason and my purpose for this blog is to remind myself to see the changes i've made. To see what the people around me are, right now, to appreciate every single one of them because they aren't like those bullies.

Be strong, Casebella and insyaallah, you'll make it through thick and thin.